It always surprises me when people in the GLBTQ community--people who know what it feels like to be excluded--display prejudice and intolerance toward other groups. Last night, I witnessed and became part of an unpleasant exchange in the Fleet chat channel that left me with my heart pounding in my chest, feeling much like I felt after an incident of real life gay bashing. I wanted to share my thoughts on this, not to revel in the victim role, but because I think we can do better.
The incident I'm talking about may sound silly to some of you. It started with a discussion of "gingers"--people with fair skin and red hair. Many people were expressing appreciation for them, but one individual started spewing an incessant stream of vitriol toward gingers and disrespect toward those who like them. The person later claimed to be "obviously" joking, but the tone and repetition of the unpleasant comments did not come across as funny. (This was in the fleet text chat channel, and no smileys were used.) I don't consider myself overly sensitive, but like I said, the comments affected me on a physical level. I expressed my concerns, and tried to remove myself from the situation by closing the chat window, but another player was PMing me asking for help, so I kept seeing the comments about how I was being "overly sensitive" and couldn't take a joke.
Yes, I have red hair. Growing up, I was teased with such taunts as, "I'd rather be dead than red in the head," just because I was different. Even if you don't have red hair, I'm guessing most people in this fleet know what it's like to be excluded because of being different. That's exactly why I hold GLBTQ people to a higher standard in such situations. We've been there. We know what it's like. We're the last people who should exclude others from our groups.
Previously, I have also seen fleet members express other prejudices that made me uncomfortable. I've seen some of our straight-ally members confronted about why they're in a gay fleet. And I've heard some gender-related prejudice on fleet channels, mostly from men who sometimes forget that Stonewall is not a gay-men-only club.
Anyway, the purpose of this post is twofold. First I would like to thank those of you who spoke up in my defense last night. And second, I would like to ask us all to be vigilant about our own prejudices.
Just as straight people enjoy a position of privilege, where many of them never have to think about what it's like to be discriminated against on the basis of who they love, each of us is in a position of privilege in one way or another. Some of us have never been discriminated against because of the color of our skin. Some of us don't know what it's like to be paid less than our colleagues because of our gender. But most of us know what it feels like to be attacked with gay epithets.
I encourage all of us (hey, I know I have my own prejudices, too) to work on our empathy, and try to imagine what it's like in the other person's shoes. We all have experience being on the receiving end of prejudice. Use that experience to inform your own actions and words toward other groups.
If you feel like expressing that you, personally, don't find gingers attractive, or don't think straight allies should be in the fleet, try replacing "ginger" or "straight" with a more obviously unacceptable prejudice, like "black" or "lesbian" and see how your words sound. You might be surprised at how ugly your "joke" sounds to someone else.
