I’m glad this post got bumped, I’d forgotten all about it and had meant to comment because I just turned 30 on Monday. Maturity to me is learned system of behavior based on the sum of our life experiences in order to help us accomplish our goals as we move through life. I don’t know that a genetic predisposition towards or against maturity has as strong or far-reaching an influence compared to all of life’s potential curve balls. Is there such a thing as preprogramed traits in our genetic codes? Sure, but like my favorite pirates say; I think they’re really more like guidelines. As human beings our greatest trait is our ability to learn, adapt and grow beyond what some seem to consider our original programming.
I will concede that there are certain base traits that can’t really be overridden like sexual preference; was I born liking boys? No, I was a baby for heaven’s sake! Was I born to like boys when I got a little older? Oh my, yes ! but it would take many years to come to grips with that fact. Looking back I can now see the signs and I’m sure my parents did too. Was I always mild mannered and calm? Yeah, pretty much. When a child acts older than their years it’s called being precocious- a delightful word- but it doesn’t mean that they were born with a charm school degree embedded in their DNA, they could have learned the behavior from any number of sources not counting their parents. I feel I need to point out that kids learn a lot more from their parents then just what their parents intend to teach them. They watch, they listen and they learn all the time and those tiny, barely developed wheels begin to turn.
My family agrees that I’m very much like my maternal Grandfather, he died when I was 10. I take it as an amazingly humbling compliment because he was the kindest, most hard working and unselfish person I’ve ever known and he did everything he could for his family without complaint until it pretty much killed him. Minus the working to death part I strive to follow his example and it was a long time before I began to take on a similar role in my own family. At the time I didn’t want it; I wanted to finish college and enjoy my newfound social life and pursue all of my own interests. I had to take over my fraternal Grandmother’s affairs and household because my Dad was irresponsibly running it into the ground like a self-indulgent teenager with a very overblown sense of entitlement. He was pulling some shenanigans with her bank and her retirement funds and I had to step in and be the adult even though I didn’t know what the heck I was doing and things got rather cold between us. He wasn’t always like that and he taught me a lot about being easygoing and he made sure me and my younger siblings had a pretty cool childhood.
When I was little I resented my Mom for all the rules and limitations and dictates she tried to put on me; teaching me how to do chores, cleaning my room, not going out until I finished my homework, disciplining me when I’d been bad. As an adult I completely get it now, because I learned my lesson and it stuck, the problem is that some lessons don’t always stick or something traumatic happens to create a new set of behavioral patterns. Case in point: my little brother was with my Grandfather when he died, he was 7 years old. My Grandpa suffered a massive heart attack right outside of the Doctor’s office, they later said that he was dead before his head even hit the ground. My brother had to hold his head in his lap while my Grandmother ran in to get help. My brother has been in jail 4 times and in prison twice for drug use, dealing and trafficking in stolen merchandise. He was always the more aggressive one, more rambunctious and energetic but my Grandpa knew how to channel that into constructive pursuits because they were both really good with their hands and machines. I wonder what my little brother would have been like if he’d had Grandpa in his life for a few more years.
So for me maturity is about being a big boy in as many facets of your life as you can. Responsibility is key and putting aside your wants and needs for a something that is more important than yourself. I don’t think using one’s peers is the best frame of reference for determining maturity because one: it can indicate an underlying need for others approval and two: Depending on the group and circumstances, it can potentially be way too subjective. But inside, yeah I do still feel like a kid. Less awkward and a lot less melodramatic or focused on myself, and I learned a while ago that acting mature is the best way to make friends and lead an enjoyable life. I suppose at first you could say I was faking it, but after a while it became second nature, but I don’t think it was ever first nature.
